The nation awoke this morning to the news that millions of American women were confessing tens of millions of cases of Virgin Birth. Oh, how satisfied the Pope must feel at the news that somehow millions of formerly earthy, vile, and profane people are now getting it. Virgin Birth is not only possible but has become dominant over night.
New Jersey housewife, Gloria Gloriana, when asked what brought about her biological epiphany said, “That Donald Trump said such awful things about women. My husband never said those kinds of things and would never think of acting that way”. Mrs Fairlie Stupendo, also a New Jersey housewife, agreed saying, ” My husband is nothing like Mr Trump, and his poker buddies and golfing friends never talk that way.” Both of these biological marvels are former employees at the Ba-Da-Bing! Gentlemen’s Club and charter members of the Newark “Women For Hillary” advocacy.
Of course, not all immaculate conceptions are claimed by former strip club women. Many are from more pedestrian backgrounds such as university campuses that abound in safe places where delicate women will not have to hear men talk about their hoo-hoos. This is a drive for genital anonymity in spite of the fact that these snowflakes also tend to wear thongs at the beach during spring break, their hoo-hoos on display for all to see.
In defense of immaculate conception and the sanctity of the American womanhood, a new mens’ group has been formed called, “Hoo-Hoo And You”. The charter establishes the idea that all children shall be conceived by immaculate conception, and husbands are no longer required except on weekends and that once popular pagan holiday that falls on the winter solstice. From now on, men will have to forgo any type of sexual activity with women because the hoo-hoo is sacrosanct and never to be mentioned by Republicans.
My friends, you can’t just make this stuff up. It helps to watch CNN to understand the political underpinnings of this latest attack on a candidate.