Tag: gay

Gay Kiss-In Day At Chick-fil-A

You may think this is the most ridiculous thing ever proposed, but I think it is an unparalleled opportunity for Chick-fil-A. Just think, you may be a Chick-fil-A franchise owner with a hundred or so men kissing each other in your dining room. I can see where this could ruin an entire day of business.

I have an idea.

Dan Cathy, CEO  of Chick-fil-A can see this as an opportunity to make friends, increase business, and bolster the health needs of the gay community. After all, the man is a Christian and is concerned with the welfare of his fellow man. It is time to turn the other cheek, so to say.

Cathy needs to put the word out that if anybody walks up to a Chick-fil-A counter speaking the words, “I’m gay!”, they will get a small order of delicious chicken nuggets, free.  There will be a prize in each chicken nuggets box, a free condom.

This will accomplish three things. First, it will help gay people to come out of the closet by public proclamation. Second, Cathy can get points by being kind to his enemies. Third, he is furnishing condoms so sinners can do so in relative safety from spreading HIV.

After all, turning the other cheek is the Christian thing to do, and I think it will receive lots of positive press.

High Profile Profiling

As I was on the way to my next appointment, I coasted up behind a new Mini-Cooper convertible at the light by Bank of America, Wachovia Bank, Burger King, Home Depot, Trader Joe’s, Publix, Starbucks, and Walgreens. OK. There were not that many corners, but you know the intersection I am talking about.

Lots of expensive cars show themselves in that intersection, everyday. After all, there is the local high school traffic, the Catholic High school traffic, and the Christian High School traffic, with scads of Mercedes and BMW SUV’s, Lexus, and now, one Mini-Cooper convertible. In my neighborhood we have an absolute surplus of rich soccer moms to drive those SUV’s, and a few not so rich dirty old men.

What is a Mini-Cooper? It is an effort at building a starter BMW, and, indeed, the Mini’s are sold at BMW dealerships, everywhere. This car would be cool, but it has a damaged reputation. Once upon a time, Mini-Coopers were cool rally and race cars. They were formidable little buggers, and the drivers were no-nonsense suicide jockeys, afraid of nothing. Hence, the tough reputation. The present day Mini is now known as a “chick car”. Yup! No red-blooded American male would be caught in one of those egg-shells on wheels.

As I pulled up behind the Mini convertible, three bumper stickers shouted their messages loud and clear. Let’s see if you can break the code on the basic identity of the driver.

The stickers were, from left to right:

1. An Apple logo.
2. An NPR (National Public Radio) sticker.
3. An Obama/Biden sticker (new)

Consider the Apple sticker. Apple is on of the largest computer companies in the world. They didn’t get that way with their computers, it was the iPods and iPads that made them big. Apple is a marketing company, not a technology company. People who use Apple computers can be teachers, technology challenged individuals, rich kids, old-people, or people who move their lips when they read. Apple products are supposed to be cool, and easy to use.

NPR  listeners tend to be richer, older, and more educated than the population at large. However, this does not make them smarter. It makes them liberal. Most listeners are male, and part of the baby-boomer generation. The second largest group of listeners are in the 18 to 24 year-old category. NPR is considered to be government news for the socialist.

Obama election stickers get stuck on the back of the cars of people who want to send a message. Many Obama voters are young, many are black, and all respond to feelings rather than logic. Obama voters think they are cool. Time Magazine says that Barack Obama is our first gay president.

No black person would be caught dead in a beige Mini-Cooper convertible. Since I sold cars for a while, I can tell you that black females are all about appearances and value. The Cooper is not much value of a car. Black females would rather have a used Lexus than a new Mini-Cooper. Forget the idea of a black male driving a Mini. No heterosexual black or white male would even look at a Mini.

The Mini costs in the neighborhood of $25,000. It was probably all the driver could afford. The car is cute, stylish, moderately popular, and was probably leased.

Finally, I have to question the intelligence of anybody who puts bumper stickers on their cars, no matter what year and model. You see this, occasionally, as you drive around town. When someone pastes bumper stickers on their car advertising how they will vote, what they listen to, and that their personal computer is the technological equivalent of a Fisher – Price toy, that’s stupid, and not cool.

Putting together all the clues, I can make a fairly certain statement that the driver of the car was female, white, about thirty years old, financially insecure, and technology challenged. The driver is not very intelligent, in spite of an assumed college degree.

The driver was probably gay.