Tag: critters

The Critter Man Cometh

picture of flying squirrel
Flying Squirrel

Yep. The critter man came out to my house and checked out my attic where I had heard some varmint sounding things making merry the other day. He was in the attic for about fifteen minutes, and then he walked around the house. I learned later that he was taking pictures of the crime scenes.

Taking pictures? I felt like I was being set up. I already knew I had illegal alien animals in my attic, and I wanted them out. But, nooooo. Nothing is that easy.

Sure enough, I got the sales pitch, including a couple of dozen pictures of wild partying that had been going on in my attic.

First of all, there was tangible evidence of flying squirrels in the attic. The picture showed a tiny wadded-up picnic cloth, along with a pile of acorn shells. Apparently, the squirrels thought they were safe while in my house. I thought so, too.

picture of raccoon
Raccoon, The Fastidious Diner

The next series of pictures brought a whole new meaning to the term, party animal. There had been a raccoon in the attic, just waiting for the squirrels to get into their feast. He wanted a head start on his meal.

The masked bandit waited patiently for the right moment to strike. When he jumped the little rodents, the picnic was over in a big way. The wise old raccoon had brought some of his own picnic fixings.

Indeed, the old raccoon had taste, and devoured his game meat with a Cabernet. The old boy brought along a couple of bottles. This guy was obviously a connoisseur of sorts. It helps to try to put a civilized face on nature.

You would think that with the old raccoon taking care of the flying squirrels, part of my critter problem had been eradicated, but there seems to be an infinite supply of flying squirrels in Georgia. Therein lies the demand for professional assistance.

The drill for animal exterminators is to first, seal up all the avenues of ingress into the attic. Second, after all the holes are covered and no more critters can get in, they set traps in the attic to catch the odd squirrel or rat that was hiding. Those little buggers really know how to hide. In fact you almost never see them.

So, after setting the traps and getting rid of whatever is left, the critter experts then sanitize the attic space to make sure the house will be germ and disease free. That’s a pretty powerful argument for having the professionals on site.

After the sales pitch comes the close. The guy was almost as graphic as I am in this article, and he made the sale. The guys came this morning, and now I have critter traps in my attic, and no more holes.

My instructions are that if I hear a trap snap shut (it will pop, loudly), I must give them a call. Hopefully, there will be no other incidents.

Happy crittering, everybody!

Aliens In My House

picture of rocky the flying squirrel
Attic Alien

Something was going on. For the last couple of nights, we have been awakened by sounds in our house. The problem is that by the time I am awake, the noise stops. It is almost as if someone is sneaking up the stairs to do us a whacking, Soprano style.

Yeah, I know that’s paranoid, but you get that way in a two story house after all the kids have moved out. But, wait! They left their dog. Certainly our trusty, faithful hound would make lots of noise and defend us if someone broke into our house.

Or maybe not. The little wiener dog is going on sixteen years old, and he not only cannot hike his leg, anymore, but he can’t hear it thunder. Plus, when he knows we are gone, he goes nuts because he is afraid to stay by himself. He thinks our job is to protect him, not the other way around.

So much for our guard dog. What can we do to keep ourselves safe? Did some alien vessel follow me as I returned from the other side of the Milky Way the other night? Maybe I didn’t shake them during the chase, after all. I may have to call out the Fleet Guard to help me.

Today as I was preparing for my nocturnal battle, I was working at my computer trying to figure out the best way to fight life forms that are other than carbon based. That is when I heard the noise, again. This time, I was not asleep and didn’t wonder if I was dreaming.

Scratch, thump, bump. rattle, rattle, rattle. It was very disturbing until I realized that my problems were terrestrial rather than space based.

I have critters in my attic!

I hear scratching, scraping, rattling, screeching, and yowling. There is little doubt that a family of squirrels have set up housekeeping in my attic. Plus, I hear some peep-peep-peeping, like there are little ones up there, too.

This problem may be worse than space aliens inhabiting the upper reaches of my house. At least, I don’t have to worry about droppings, disease, and fleas from my space buddies.

So, I called one of those Rid-A-Critter services, and expect a callback any second, now.

Folks, this is serious!