Category: suicide

Asteroids And The Chinese

There’s an asteroid lurking out there
Waiting to burn my hair
It’s as sneaky as sneaky can be
So, why is it after me?

I just read this article on, and it can get scary. There is a hunk of rock out there called an asteroid whose trajectory around our Sun will put it in our neighborhood in the year 2040. It carries the name, 2011 AG5.

Space Cowboy Movie Ad - Staring Clint Eastwood, etc.
Space Cowboys To The Rescue

2040 is a long way off, and you might think that we have all sorts of time to either make adjustments to the Earth’s orbit, or blast the asteroid to smithereens. All we have to do is get Clint Eastwood and his Space Cowboys to jump into a Space Shuttle, strap a couple of nukes to the rock, and git’er done.

Oh, wait! That was just a movie. Plus, the Space Shuttle is no longer flying. That piece of US history came to an end on July 8, 2011 with the last flight of the Space Shuttle, Atlantis.

picture of Atlantis Space Shuttle
Space Shuttle Atlantis

You might say, “No problem! We will just launch the next generation of Space Shuttle, and that will take care of the problem”. You would be wrong.

The current Administration has decreed that there will be no future Space Shuttles, and US space programs are severely curtailed. They are too busy wasting money on green energy dead ends to worry about the real future.

What do we do? Do we wait until 2039 to start running in circles, screaming, “The Sky is falling?” Apparently, that is what our Government has planned. Of course, I could be wrong and our government has been planning in secret to fly to Alpha Centauri.  Come to think of it that would not be a bad place for those guys to go.

All the current suggestions  involve launching rockets, missiles, robot space craft, or some other vehicle to touch, crash into, blow-up, or steer the aircraft carrier sized rock away from our fragile planet. How do we do this without a space program predicated with this as a primary goal?

We can always get Russia to shoot it down, for us. Of course, they are as broke as we are.

The Chinese are doing their own space program, and one of their goals is to send men to the moon. That would put them in a position to do something about the asteroid problem. We can always count on the Chinese to bail us out of these tough situations. Apparently, the Administration has no problem letting the Chinese decide our future.

By doing nothing, our government is outsourcing our eventual safety to the Chinese. Do you understand that whoever controls the moon and near space will control the Earth-orbit satellites and defensive platforms?

All of our space based platforms will be at risk, and our defense systems will be trumped by the Chinese. Going slack in our space program is suicide.

The Chinese could have de facto control of our nation.

Well, I will let others worry about that little asteroid threatening our little planet. We have bigger worries, and it all starts at home.

It Was Eight Years Ago…

Eight years ago, today, police officers rang the doorbell in the mid-afternoon. There were two squad cars in front of the house, and two police officers were requesting to come inside to talk to me. Demanding proper identification, I soon realized they were legit.

They asked no questions, but proceeded with the statement that they had heard from the DeLand, Florida police that morning. That sentence was never finished. My son, Matthew, was a senior at a college in that small Florida town, and I suddenly knew why I was entertaining two very respectful police officers in our living room.

Within a couple of seconds, I went through the initial thought that Matthew was in trouble, but I knew that he had never been in trouble of any kind, and why would the local police be at my door if my 21 year old son had been arrested in another state?

No, I knew almost immediately that the little guy had finally done it. I knew within those two or three seconds that Matthew had succeeded in killing himself. My son had left us on Sunday, October 26, 2003. He had hung himself with an Ethernet cable in his dormitory room.

His roommate had been at his girlfriend’s apartment all that night, and Matthew’s body was not found until Monday morning when the kid returned to get ready for classes. That is when the school administration was called, and when the local police got involved.

Matthew had been clinically depressed since high school, and only recently had stopped his medication. He was “tired of being sick”, and he didn’t like who he was. He was gay, and this undoubtedly played a part in his self-deprecation. He had at least one attempt at suicide while in high school, and we were in constant fear of a repeat attempt.

On our kitchen wall was a white board where Matthew had left us a message the previous month as he was leaving for school. He had written early that morning before we were awake, “take care of each other”. We still have that white board as it was his last written message for his family.

Clearly he was planning suicide. We had looked at his message, and lied to ourselves that he really didn’t mean it.

My wife, daughter, and I have gone through all the stages of grieving, but I got stuck in the anger stage for years. I might still be in anger. The hurt and guilt will always be there, too.

We withdrew from life for a while, and we have argued with God. How can God create a wonderful,  talented and smart person, fashion him into a homosexual, and then advocate prohibitions against the very activity and person He has created? This is one question I plan on asking when it is my turn.

Life goes on. Living is a tough thing, but we still have to go through it. My life is getting better, and I had forgotten that today was “the day” until my wife reminded me this morning. All the same, you never fully heal when you lose someone you love.

Matthew, I love you!