Category: idiots

I Told You So!

Barack Obama now has the distinction of having lost two wars. TWO WARS that have already been fought, and that the United States of American has won. Thousands of lives and billions of dollars were spent in these endeavors only to be thrown away by what some people call the smartest guy in the room.

To make matters worse, this whole debacle was foretold by millions of Americans when Barack Obama first took office over five years ago. In only five years Barack Obama has thrown away all this blood and treasure, all in obedience to lofty-thinking, simplistic left-wing morons. I am talking about the Democrat Party, here.

The ability to say, “I told you so!” is not helpful, at all. Barack Obama has dropped-the-ball, screwed-the-pooch, stepped-on-his-Johnson, pooped-in-the-punchbowl, farted-at-the-finish, and has made a mess of generally everything since he has been in office.

But, saying “I told you so!” reflects on me. Call it what you like, but it is all about Obama’s hubris.

You can say what you want about the necessity of fighting these wars, but at the time we thought it was the right thing to do. Those who say otherwise now are denying their own history. Plus, we all knew that there would be a time when our presence in Iraq would be a plus factor in dealing with Iran. Now, Iran is planning on entering Iraq for their own purposes with no opposition.

Oh, what a fool we have for a President. Welcome to the Obama age where everybody is a loser.

My New Math Career

Yes, I did it. Even though I am officially retired, I have started college almost all over, again. Well, not exactly all over. I do have a couple of college degrees, and I wanted to take a couple of math courses at a local university.

Part of the entrance requirements is that I had to enter a degree program, no matter how many degrees I already have. So, I signed up to be a mathematics major just to take a course in Linear Algebra.You see, I have a latent interest in things statistical, although I have not harbored any ambition to be a statistician. However, after starting this particular gambit I just may become one.

Most people think math is infinitely boring, and I thought so when as an undergraduate I did the minimum work to get passing grades. Now, I know better. Mathematics is important because we live in a world of numbers. If you really want to be smart, you need to understand numbers.

We see mathematics being applied all around us everyday. When you read a news article about a new study, the authors of that study depended on some math magic to get their numbers to work out so they can continue to get government grants. Government grants are academic welfare. Somebody has to fund all those stories claiming to show that watching Fox News can turn you into a Republican.

I have started looking into some of these studies, and you don’t have to be a mathematician to see that some basic assumptions are BS. Indeed, many times the arithmetic is done correctly, but the assumptions are all wrong. There was one psychological study, recently, that proposed that people who didn’t totally buy into catastrophic climate change also believed that the NASA moon shot never happened, and was filmed in movie studios on earth. This particularly idiotic study was dubbed the “Moon Hoax Study”.

Maybe with my new math skills, I can do some studies and make some of that government money, too. All I have to do is make up some stuff, and then throw in some impressive statistical math for looks. Maybe I will be published by Rolling Stone magazine.

Alien Fish Story

picture of 1985 Ford F150
Arkansas Ford F150

After watching a very interesting episode on the History Channel about space aliens, I went to the local Quick Trip to get a  Cherry Coke Zero and to fill the car with gas. As luck would have it, I pulled in behind a 1985 Ford F-150 pickup truck with Arkansas tags.

The idea struck me that I had been thinking about space aliens, and now I am behind somebody from Arkansas. That’s about as close to a space alien most earth people will ever get. I was raised in Memphis, Tennessee, just across the Mississippi River from Arkansas.  I know those people, and have great respect for them when they play football, cook barbecue, and drink beer. That’s universal stuff in the South.

The man pumping gas into the pickup truck was about five foot, ten inches tall, wearing tattered camo’s, and a dirty Brave’s baseball cap. He had about four days worth of beard, and smelled like he took his alcohol seriously.

Approaching the gentleman, I broke the ice with the universal good-old-boy line, “Where y’all from?” The answer was kind of muffled, but I attributed that to the shape of his teeth, of which there were damned few. I should have known that he had a mouth full of Redman tobacco. He was from the Ozark Mountains in Northern Arkansas. That is fishing and hunting country!

He was not impressed that I was from Memphis, but he was OK about Bull Shoals Lake and Lake Norfork, two of the best water skiing and fishing lakes in the entire world.I asked him if he did any striped bass fishing, and got a big, ragged-toothed smile.

Sure enough, the man had a fishing story for me.

His name was Sidney, and he started talking about the time when he and his cousin, Simion Paul (asleep in the front seat), were fishing Bull Shoals at three in the morning for striped bass. They had caught a couple weighing about fifteen pounds each, when Sidney hooked a really big one. He said that this one had to be about seventy-five pounds. The record was a sixty-four pounder.

As Sidney was fighting to reel the fish in, Simion Paul grabbed the StowMaster Tournament fish net to finish the job.

Sidney said, ” ‘Bout that time, a blinding light flashed down from overhead like a million flashbulbs going off all at oncet “.  I didn’t think Sidney was old enough to remember flash bulbs, but I let that slide. After all, whenever a guy gets a good story going, do not interrupt him with facts. It might not be healthy.

Sidney then says he hears a voice holler,  “Drop the fish and nobody gets hurt!”.  Then, Simion Paul yells, “It’s the cops, and they’re not taking me alive!”

Sid says that’s when things get whacky. He swears that a seven-foot tall green-looking bug dropped down into their boat, grabbed the fishing rod, net, and seventy-five pound striped bass. Then, the creature took their stuff, tumped the boat over, and flew a saucer shaped craft into the night. After that, Sidney remembered nothing.

Well, Sid did remember waking up the next day on the highway by a sign that said, “Mountain Home – 6 Miles”. There was no boat, no fishing rods, and no fish. There was no Simion Paul, either.  Sidney thought he had lost his cousin to space aliens and was worried about how to break the news to his Aunt Sooey.

That’s when Simeon Paul made his appearance, stumbling out of the roadside ditch, with a beautific smile on his face.

Simeon Paul had seen the light, and that changed his life, and the way he spelled his name. Sid, though, was left with nothing but a fish story and a hangover.

Fighting On The World-Wide-Web

cartoon by xkcd - somebody on the internet is wrong
Cartoon by xkcd

When I surf across a political or scientific blog, I always read the latest articles and dive into the comments. It’s the comments where you find the really juicy stuff. This is where you can have some fun. I am not talking about a flame war. Simple arguing, preferably with someone dumber than you, can be very entertaining.

In the more popular blogs, not only will you find the everyday Joe-Sixpack type of commenter, but you will also find some real heavy weights of that particular blogging genre. You really need to be careful about who you are attacking.

You can mount an attack on what you think is a relatively uninformed person, and they can wind up having a PhD in that particular subject.

Having a PhD doesn’t mean a person is correct. It just means that they can throw around credentials and category relevant words. If you are smart, you can kick some academic ass, but don’t try it unless you are really sure. Be prepared to abandon your made-up name if the PhD gets the best of you. They are smart, and won’t forget your name. They enjoy a good fight, too.

Stay away from legal blogs because lawyers don’t have any sense, and will argue in their best law school Latin. It makes for an embarrassing spectacle to try logic on these guys. They don’t get it, and will  try to use courtroom tactics to befuddle their adversaries. You can have a really trying time Googling the language they use, just to discover they don’t have a clue.

Another pain in the blog is the internet philosopher. You can tell the internet philosopher by their language and by their name-dropping. Anybody that shoves words at you like, “postmodern”, or “epistemology” is an internet philosopher. They try to dazzle you with knowledge of different branches of philosophy,or their knowledge of various philosophers from Aristotle to Descartes, to Hayek and Popper.

I don’t know anything about philosophy, so I steer clear of that kind of argument. You might consider that if somebody is busy dropping names and philosophic categories, they probably never had an independent thought. That’s their Achilles’ Heel. Keep your arguments to the physical world, and let somebody sympathetic to your side intervene and tackle the philosophy stuff. You can still win.

Most of all, if you get into a pissing contest over somebody’s arithmetic, you have just fallen into a trap. NEVER attack your opponents numbers. Chances are he has spent the last week or month getting his arithmetic right. Always look for weakness in his assumptions. That way you don’t have to do any work at all. Just dismiss all his hard work because of his mistaken assumptions, and watch the fireworks in that comment section.

I once kept an argument going for two days because I confidently asserted that my opponents assumptions were wrong. When he blasted me to offer better work, I replied that just because he couldn’t do a decent job was no reason for me to educate him. He didn’t like that, and his language degenerated into all sorts of insults. Obviously, I won because he was the one to come unglued.

The last, and one of the most important rules about getting into an internet fight is to not argue with women if you can help it.

First of all, women are smarter than men. Secondly, women have no ethics when it comes to arguments. They go for the jugular and they never forget.

Have fun on the internet. It is all sorts of fun, and you can keep your brain cooking on all burners just by some fun arguing. Never take it seriously, though.

Live is too short for peace on the internet and cheap beer.

Frys Extended Warranty – Expensive Mistake

Whenever I buy a laptop computer, I always buy an extended warranty. If you use a laptop from location  to location, the machine will be dropped. That is the biggest risk in owning a laptop, and most business people are willing to pay for a warranty or repair policy that covers for physical damage.

Two and one-half years ago I bought a laptop at Frys with a  three years warranty to protect my investment. I felt good about buying the computer at a local store instead of online.  To get service all I had to do was drive about ten miles to get to the Frys service department.

Recently, an accidental drop smashed a USB drive into one of the USB ports and rendered that port unusable. Frys refuses to do the repair because, “the warranty does not cover physical damage”.

Why would anybody offer a service policy on a laptop computer that does not cover physical and accidental damage? It is really goofy to ignore that need.

My last laptop was a Dell, bought with their manufacturer’s extended warranty, and they repaired various physical problems twice at my office! Dell is famous for this kind of service. HP has a similar “everything” extended warranty.

Dell and HP get it.

Frys doesn’t get it.

When you buy an extended warranty from Frys, you don’t get a policy, you buy a receipt.

Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven…

But, nobody wants to die. That’s the wisdom of the people, and they are right. There are literally thousands of people who are ready for the rapture. The rapture can be seen as a time when you can go to heaven without dying.

Given that the chance of the rapture is imminent why should I have to die to receive some of the earthly benefits of such an occurrence?
I am tired of paying bills. I am tired of paying taxes. I am tired of putting up with the empty suits in Washington telling me how to live my life.
Shirking my duties may not seem to be the Christian thing to do, but, it is awfully tempting to assume that the rapture will happen before the bill collectors catch up. Is that insane, or what?
Yes. I do want to go to heaven. No, I do not want to die. Yes, I am really angry with the nation’s leadership and brain dead policies. Just how am I expected to eke out a living with the anti-business and anti-people policies issuing forth from the White House?
Dear Lord, Please take me now and deliver me from the idiots and mad men now in leadership positions in our fair nation. Thank for your promise of eternal life, and I pray that the Democrats have nothing to do with it.
Amen.