Category: FTL

Laying Off The Higgs For A While

As I was bringing in my space craft for the last jump in alter-space before home space, my little space buggy had a Higgs drive problem. Now,  a Higgs drive is not exactly a drive like a motor, but it is the little engine that allows for faster than light travel. You see, once you engage the Higgs, you and your machine are weightless (have no mass), and can proceed in going where ever you want at speeds faster than light.

The Higgs drive is actually a Higgs Null Generator. It nulls out the Higgs field, and that in itself allows for FTL (faster than light) travel.

It can be a beautiful thing if things go correctly.

The problem is knowing where to go with a limitless arrangement of universes to which to travel. Piled on top of that is the fact that we have only been to two other universes, and those are right next door to ours.

But, I digress. The Higgs engine lost its ability to know where the home universe was for a short instant of time. It took what seemed like an eternity to get things straightened out, and from an earth time standpoint it could have been an error of a couple of billion years which is, to most folks, an eternity.

Somehow, I had let a candy bar fall down into the access panel of the Higgs, and chocolate had melted all over things. Dirty is dirty in any universe. That gooey, sticky Mars bar had to be cleaned off the internal parts for the unit to function. A quick look at the manual, and a partial disassembly of the unit helped in the cleanup job. I actually had to lick the chocolate off the parts.

Whew! If I couldn’t get that Higgs going, I would be discovering other universes without knowing where I would be, and could never return home. Sweat was literally rolling down my back, even though the vacuum outside was near absolute zero. It’s a good thing I like chocolate.

That was such a frazzling experience, I think I will leave space exploration, universe hopping, and blogging to somebody else for a while. So, it’s the beach for me. It’s time for a vacation.

We are gone to the beach for a week. Have fun, y’all.

Somebody’s Got To Do It

With retirement comes opportunity. Suddenly, like it or not, you have the time to take on some pretty important tasks that you have left for others. It is a time to exult in freedom, and watch bad movies on weekday nights.

You can go to bed at three o’clock in the morning, sleep until ten o’clock, and not worry about somebody (except your wife) beating up on you for your much deserved slothfulness.

It is my turn to contemplate faster than light (FTL) space travel and other as yet undiscovered principles of physics.  I know it sounds a bit like science fiction, but I have been watching the History Channel, and not only do they show some pretty good stuff on UFO’s, but they are also solving the problem of traveling at sub-light speed. If you really want to go somewhere, 55 mph won’t get it.

Of course I don’t plan on solving all these problems by myself. I intend to do a study of Tennessee sipping whiskey and light speed drives for space ships. Now, hold on a bit. This is not a joke. I have to make up for lost time, and the squandered opportunities of my youth.

It is time to squander my retirement years. Why else have I worked so hard?

When I was young man, I was taught to work for my money, and everything else that came along. My family was a big family, and the folks could not afford to pay anything on my college education. Indeed, none of my siblings at the time had a college education. I was the first.

I worked my way through engineering school at radio and television stations as a broadcast engineer, and I didn’t have time for all the dope smoking, free sex, and general debauchery of the Viet Nam war generation. If I had been caught doing drugs, I would have been thrown out of school, and fired from my job. Plus, future employment would be jeopardized because of a criminal record. It happened to lots of kids.

Now that I am retired and have lost my baby face and some of my incredible sex appeal, I am forced to spend time improving life for others. Yep, FTL is the way to go, and I anticipate my inspiration from Tennessee whiskey; Jack Daniels, to be sure.