Category: faster than light

Faster-Than-Light? Nah!

An experiment revealing particles moving faster than the speed of light got us all excited, recently. Some scientists at CERN believed they had seen such particles, but wanted to wait until they had reviewed all aspects of their experiment before claiming what previously was thought to be impossible.

We need faster than light travel to make space exploration possible. Right now, it is totally impractical for people to travel to other solar systems. With star systems being thousands or millions of light years away, and with even near light-speed being technically impossible, our dreams of space travel are pretty well doomed.

The closest star to our system is over four light-years away. Even if we could travel at one-tenth the speed of light (we cannot), it would take over 40 years to get there. Forget coming back. There are no filling stations out there of which we are aware.

Oh, well. There goes all that beautiful science fiction, down the drain.

picture of large hadron colliderAccording to a Christian Science Monitor article the experiment was botched at  CERN, the international research facility in Switzerland where they use a collider called the Large Hadron Collider. This huge underground pipe is several kilometers around in a circle, and they shoot super-charged particles to collide with various atoms and other particles to try to determine the ultimate make-up of matter.

The results of their audit of the experiment have now been published.

What did they find?

A LOOSE CABLE!

This has to be the biggest embarrassment in scientific history.  It is not clear to me why they decided to issue a press release about faster than light particles.

The next time your government says it will spend billions of dollars on research, remember what can happen. Mostly, nothing.

Somebody’s Got To Do It

With retirement comes opportunity. Suddenly, like it or not, you have the time to take on some pretty important tasks that you have left for others. It is a time to exult in freedom, and watch bad movies on weekday nights.

You can go to bed at three o’clock in the morning, sleep until ten o’clock, and not worry about somebody (except your wife) beating up on you for your much deserved slothfulness.

It is my turn to contemplate faster than light (FTL) space travel and other as yet undiscovered principles of physics.  I know it sounds a bit like science fiction, but I have been watching the History Channel, and not only do they show some pretty good stuff on UFO’s, but they are also solving the problem of traveling at sub-light speed. If you really want to go somewhere, 55 mph won’t get it.

Of course I don’t plan on solving all these problems by myself. I intend to do a study of Tennessee sipping whiskey and light speed drives for space ships. Now, hold on a bit. This is not a joke. I have to make up for lost time, and the squandered opportunities of my youth.

It is time to squander my retirement years. Why else have I worked so hard?

When I was young man, I was taught to work for my money, and everything else that came along. My family was a big family, and the folks could not afford to pay anything on my college education. Indeed, none of my siblings at the time had a college education. I was the first.

I worked my way through engineering school at radio and television stations as a broadcast engineer, and I didn’t have time for all the dope smoking, free sex, and general debauchery of the Viet Nam war generation. If I had been caught doing drugs, I would have been thrown out of school, and fired from my job. Plus, future employment would be jeopardized because of a criminal record. It happened to lots of kids.

Now that I am retired and have lost my baby face and some of my incredible sex appeal, I am forced to spend time improving life for others. Yep, FTL is the way to go, and I anticipate my inspiration from Tennessee whiskey; Jack Daniels, to be sure.