High Profile Profiling

As I was on the way to my next appointment, I coasted up behind a new Mini-Cooper convertible at the light by Bank of America, Wachovia Bank, Burger King, Home Depot, Trader Joe’s, Publix, Starbucks, and Walgreens. OK. There were not that many corners, but you know the intersection I am talking about.

Lots of expensive cars show themselves in that intersection, everyday. After all, there is the local high school traffic, the Catholic High school traffic, and the Christian High School traffic, with scads of Mercedes and BMW SUV’s, Lexus, and now, one Mini-Cooper convertible. In my neighborhood we have an absolute surplus of rich soccer moms to drive those SUV’s, and a few not so rich dirty old men.

What is a Mini-Cooper? It is an effort at building a starter BMW, and, indeed, the Mini’s are sold at BMW dealerships, everywhere. This car would be cool, but it has a damaged reputation. Once upon a time, Mini-Coopers were cool rally and race cars. They were formidable little buggers, and the drivers were no-nonsense suicide jockeys, afraid of nothing. Hence, the tough reputation. The present day Mini is now known as a “chick car”. Yup! No red-blooded American male would be caught in one of those egg-shells on wheels.

As I pulled up behind the Mini convertible, three bumper stickers shouted their messages loud and clear. Let’s see if you can break the code on the basic identity of the driver.

The stickers were, from left to right:

1. An Apple logo.
2. An NPR (National Public Radio) sticker.
3. An Obama/Biden sticker (new)

Consider the Apple sticker. Apple is on of the largest computer companies in the world. They didn’t get that way with their computers, it was the iPods and iPads that made them big. Apple is a marketing company, not a technology company. People who use Apple computers can be teachers, technology challenged individuals, rich kids, old-people, or people who move their lips when they read. Apple products are supposed to be cool, and easy to use.

NPR  listeners tend to be richer, older, and more educated than the population at large. However, this does not make them smarter. It makes them liberal. Most listeners are male, and part of the baby-boomer generation. The second largest group of listeners are in the 18 to 24 year-old category. NPR is considered to be government news for the socialist.

Obama election stickers get stuck on the back of the cars of people who want to send a message. Many Obama voters are young, many are black, and all respond to feelings rather than logic. Obama voters think they are cool. Time Magazine says that Barack Obama is our first gay president.

No black person would be caught dead in a beige Mini-Cooper convertible. Since I sold cars for a while, I can tell you that black females are all about appearances and value. The Cooper is not much value of a car. Black females would rather have a used Lexus than a new Mini-Cooper. Forget the idea of a black male driving a Mini. No heterosexual black or white male would even look at a Mini.

The Mini costs in the neighborhood of $25,000. It was probably all the driver could afford. The car is cute, stylish, moderately popular, and was probably leased.

Finally, I have to question the intelligence of anybody who puts bumper stickers on their cars, no matter what year and model. You see this, occasionally, as you drive around town. When someone pastes bumper stickers on their car advertising how they will vote, what they listen to, and that their personal computer is the technological equivalent of a Fisher – Price toy, that’s stupid, and not cool.

Putting together all the clues, I can make a fairly certain statement that the driver of the car was female, white, about thirty years old, financially insecure, and technology challenged. The driver is not very intelligent, in spite of an assumed college degree.

The driver was probably gay.

11 thoughts on “High Profile Profiling”

  1. I knew you were bigger than I am, but wow, what a plethora (I like that word) of knowledge. You are either one of those aliens the Science channel people are looking for, ( I personally know you have been sitting at ham radio units for decades, waiting for something or someone to call ) or your office is a heck of a lot bigger than mine with bigger stacks and volumes of knowledge and research you have been doing ever since you lost your sales job. A big hat tip to you for these eye opening journals of information.

    On the “Sustainability – The New Buzzword” paper, the definition of “Ecological Balance: Ecological balance has been defined by various online dictionaries as “a state of dynamic equilibrium within a community of organisms in which genetic, species and ecosystem diversity remain relatively stable, subject to gradual changes through natural succession.” and “A stable balance in the numbers of each species in an ecosystem.” If they had of left out the words “natural succession” it would have been enough to completely debunk the theory of evolution. But, they could not have and this is why. The Marxists would love a “natural succession” from our Constitution to socialism and these people probably are Marxist. If they left it out they could not have meaning in their movement. Without “natural succession” our president could not have “evolved” into his present state of mind. I don’t have time to soak in all these new definitions, much less time to wash dishes, scrub floors, fix Toyotas, re-fill ink cartridges, search for recipes online so my retirement money will last till the next month and, of course catch up with your blog. Have a good week and please stop bullying the Austin Mini-Coopers.

  2. The comment above was from Tom Beeman. It was left at an earlier post, and I decided to move it hear because of the somewhat applicable subject. Tom, was apparently catching up on several of my blogs.


  3. In the definition of ecological balance, they did use the words, “A stable balance in the numbers of each species in an ecosystem.” This is an imagined stability, and is an excuse to justify other things. The environmentalists don’ t know of what they speak. Maybe there are some aliens in the mix, watching to be sure the mythological balance is maintained.

  4. I tend to agree with your judgment of the driver, you didn’t get to see the actual person, just for confirmation?

  5. You make me laugh…great post! I think it was a mini Cooper a leasing agency gave us when one of our cars needed work……we thought it didn’t drive well and was ‘tinny’ inside, too. But, they’re kinda cute and Blacks might not like them but, around here, you pretty much nailed the driver description. Except, last night, I noticed a 70 yr old woman I know drives one 🙂

  6. A bumper sticker can speak wonders for the person driving behind the wheel. I am not the kind of person to use bumper stickers, as a teen I did, and it was one hell of a job to remove them.

    This was a funny post, thanks, Bob!

  7. No, MK. I didn’t get a look at the driver. She was gone pretty quick, and I didn’t want to chase her down. So, I came up with mhy little game.

  8. My wife’s cousin has one, and she loves it. She and her husband, Army Officer, got it in Germany and toured Europe in it. It is supposed to be a pretty good quality car. The obversation about it being a chick car still goes. For some reason women are attracted to it.

  9. “A bumper sticker can speak wonders for the person driving behind the wheel. ” The funny thing is that the sticker devotee has no idea of the impression they are leaving on others. Bumber stickers are a bad idea. My kids figured it out when it was their car they were messing up, and not mine. Having stickers on you car is like saying something you regret on Facebook, except the prospective employers sees that junk at the interview in his parking lot.

  10. We rarely see a Mini-Cooper here in Northern Virginia. Mini-Cooper convertibles are scarcer than hen’s teeth.

    I do see a lot of Lefty stickers on beat-up economy cars — and on mini-vans. On SUV’s — not so much.

  11. Interesting thing about those vans with the bumper stickers. We see them, too. Occasionally one is really covered with them. Only occasionally do you see a vehicle with more than one conservative sticker. I would be afraid to put an anti-Obama sticker on my car.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.