What Are You Gonna’ Do?

That’s the first thing that popped into my head, this morning. What am I going to do, now? You see, my wife is retiring, and when she leaves her job, she leaves significant amounts of income left unearned. The peace and quiet I am used to having will fade away.

With my lovely and deserving wife retired, that means that she will be available all day, every day, for extended sessions of domestic consultation. Some people would call it nagging, but I am trying to keep on the high road, here. I will not draw any comparisons between marriage and less tasteful situations.

I am an idea man. Hot ideas pop into my head like microwave popcorn. Like, there is no such thing as space travel. We will have to travel between parallel dimensions to get from one side of the universe to the other. Have you done the arithmetic to see how long it takes to travel a million light years at the speed of light? It is a really big number!

So, what happens to all my brilliance if I have a wife hanging around all day informing me of the finer qualities of male servitude?

Retired wives need to be kept busy all the time. If you are rich, you can send her shopping. If not, you can be in big trouble.

Not being rich, I have to be more creative than most curmudgeons of my ilk.

OK. I still have that leaning mail box that needs to be straightened. A little quickcrete and a shovel, and my wife will be busy for a couple of days. I will help by holding the level to make sure the post is vertical.

How about all those bushes that need trimming? Or, how about all those unwanted trees that spring up in the shade of those God-Awful pine trees? I will just turn her loose on them, and she will be good to go.

You see, for every problem there can be a solution. I sure hope my solutions work, or I will be just like Cool Hand Luke being dragged back to the prison farm. We would have failed to communicate.

I am sure she will communicate, over, and over, and over.

6 thoughts on “What Are You Gonna’ Do?”

  1. :”extended sessions of domestic consultation.” Oh, Bob, this was ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL to read…thank you!
    By the way, I don’t recommend you ever watch that fabulous old British series KEEPING UP APPEARANCES…her husband retires and Oh, poor RICHARD 🙂 OH, The nagging he gets, the….um…….oops “the extended sessions of domestic consultation!:”
    Just think of this…you might get hot lunches now!!? But, if she can fix leaning mailboxes, what do YOU have to worry about!? !!!

  2. Thanks for the accolades, Z. I have fun writing things like this, and my wife has fun, too. I know exactly what you are talking about with the show, Keeping Up Appearances. It is hilarious, although I don’t remember what channel it us usually on. My sister-in-law used to watch another Brit show, The Vicar of Dilby, and that was really funny, too. Those Brits have the driest humor around.

  3. ya, the greatest! KUP is now on PBS…I think. It’s on a DirecTV channel here, 28 or 50….I just love it. I practically know the dialogue as I’ve watched them so many times. I remember the Vicar, too, if that was the female vicar??
    I love British TV….it saved me while living in France, as I was so hungry for ENGLISH!! 🙂

  4. Yep. The Vicar of Dilby was a female vicar, with a bunch of dottering idiots on the church board.It was a really cute series.

  5. I like your ideas, getting her to do the work, not sure if it’ll work though. Let us know if it does, and she lets you survive. 🙂

  6. Survival is the goal, here. Servitude is certain. I just have to minimize her control. God, does she relish the possibilities.

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