The Critter Man Cometh

picture of flying squirrel
Flying Squirrel

Yep. The critter man came out to my house and checked out my attic where I had heard some varmint sounding things making merry the other day. He was in the attic for about fifteen minutes, and then he walked around the house. I learned later that he was taking pictures of the crime scenes.

Taking pictures? I felt like I was being set up. I already knew I had illegal alien animals in my attic, and I wanted them out. But, nooooo. Nothing is that easy.

Sure enough, I got the sales pitch, including a couple of dozen pictures of wild partying that had been going on in my attic.

First of all, there was tangible evidence of flying squirrels in the attic. The picture showed a tiny wadded-up picnic cloth, along with a pile of acorn shells. Apparently, the squirrels thought they were safe while in my house. I thought so, too.

picture of raccoon
Raccoon, The Fastidious Diner

The next series of pictures brought a whole new meaning to the term, party animal. There had been a raccoon in the attic, just waiting for the squirrels to get into their feast. He wanted a head start on his meal.

The masked bandit waited patiently for the right moment to strike. When he jumped the little rodents, the picnic was over in a big way. The wise old raccoon had brought some of his own picnic fixings.

Indeed, the old raccoon had taste, and devoured his game meat with a Cabernet. The old boy brought along a couple of bottles. This guy was obviously a connoisseur of sorts. It helps to try to put a civilized face on nature.

You would think that with the old raccoon taking care of the flying squirrels, part of my critter problem had been eradicated, but there seems to be an infinite supply of flying squirrels in Georgia. Therein lies the demand for professional assistance.

The drill for animal exterminators is to first, seal up all the avenues of ingress into the attic. Second, after all the holes are covered and no more critters can get in, they set traps in the attic to catch the odd squirrel or rat that was hiding. Those little buggers really know how to hide. In fact you almost never see them.

So, after setting the traps and getting rid of whatever is left, the critter experts then sanitize the attic space to make sure the house will be germ and disease free. That’s a pretty powerful argument for having the professionals on site.

After the sales pitch comes the close. The guy was almost as graphic as I am in this article, and he made the sale. The guys came this morning, and now I have critter traps in my attic, and no more holes.

My instructions are that if I hear a trap snap shut (it will pop, loudly), I must give them a call. Hopefully, there will be no other incidents.

Happy crittering, everybody!

6 thoughts on “The Critter Man Cometh”

  1. Whoot! We have had honey bees and bats. No flying squirrels in our house. But there was the case of flying squirrels at the lake cabin where a box had a nest full of the afore said critters cleverly stashed up in the attic eves. The poor feller that carried them out was needless to say nervous while placing the box on the table outside, and nearly dirtied his pants when I tiptoed up behind him and goosed his neck. We’ve had lots of laughs about that for years.

    I haven’t suffered payback yet.

  2. That’s a good story, Annie. The critter guys told me that just moving them out of the house results in their coming back, anyway. The little critters a cute and all that, but I have had to chase a couple of them that got loose in the den. They came down the chimney, and then couldn’t get back up the flue to get out. They would then hang onto the fireplace screen. By the way, if they bite you, hydrophobia is a risk. I caught them by throwing towels over the, and (after putting my work gloves on), thew them out in the yard.

  3. I do my own “wildlife management.” Some summers ago, I caught 18 animals in a live trap over a period of some two weeks. None of the critters had invaded my home. I was taking pre-emptive action! Back then, we didn’t have any commercial trapping services to call in, and the county would do nothing but scream, “Don’t kill ’em!”

  4. That’s interesting. Doing your own trapping. I guess you can trap, but you cannot kill wildlife. If we trap flying squirrels in the attic and don’t close the house up really well, the little rodents will always come back. I guess coonskin caps are out of the question, now.

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