Nor does he do anything else. I am talking about Sam, the ancient canine we inherited from my daughter when she married and moved out. Parents always get the dogs and cats of their children, and this speaks highly of the intelligence of our son’s in law. They married the girl, but not her mistakes. Parents get to pay for those.
Because of this, I am stuck with the laziest hound in the country. The little guy is 15 years old this month, and is starting to look every bit of it. It has always been obvious that poor Sam is not the brightest bulb in the scoreboard.
His bathroom habits are amazingly random. That’s why I take him outside every couple of hours. Not even Sam knows when it is time to do his thing. This dog knows no season, and will answer nature’s call whenever and wherever he happens to be, inside or out.
Sam is sort of clever when it comes to finding his way out of the area I have gated for him. We use a child’s expanding gate to keep Sam out of the den whenever we are not there. The old boy will sometimes find a way to push the gate out of the way if it is not secure, or to batter the gate down. Like all dachshunds, he is infinitely stubborn, and once he starts pushing, he will not stop.
Friends and neighbors think it is cute when I take Sam out for his constitutionals. We look like two old men, enjoying life, and taking care of each other. If only they knew! Poor Sam. He can’t even hike his leg anymore. Recently, he made a heroic try, but lost his balance and rolled down the hill. Poor Sam.
I am Sam’s Medicare program. The poor pup has thyroid problems, and a prescription to be administered twice per day. That’s why I feed him twice daily. Those feedings are the only time Sam will voluntarily wake up and prance around like a puppy. He has amazing energy around food.
Now that you know the bad side of Sam, surely you would think there is a good side. You would be right. Sam is the most loving dog in the world, and has never bitten an adult of child. It is even rare for him to growl.
That’s why I keep taking care of the old boy. He is still a loving hound, and one of this man’s best friends. Plus, if I am mean to him he may testify against me on Judgement Day.