Coupon-osis Strikes The Nation! 1

It had to happen. As soon as I get interested in something, somebody has to ruin it for everyone else.

Fox News in Atlanta reports that an area Kroger store manager refused to accept coupons from Khadijah Herring, a woman known as a devoted, frequent couponer. When Herring asked about his decision,  the manager said, “…because you are a habitual coupon user”.

Wow! A new disease is threatening society, extreme couponing!  You just think you have had heard of everything. Just wait until our government hears about this new threat.

There will be Congressional action to stop this horrible trend. They will establish couponing as a hate crime, and impose extraordinary punishments for these egregious infractions against our fellow man.

Out of work scientists will make studies of couponing habits, and will establish a pathology and a name for the disease, couponosis. The studies will not contain actual mathematics or data. Like many government funded scientists they will make it up as they go.

Now that we have a crime and a disease, we have to have a cure. That, boys and girls, will be a new, gound breaking, bank disolving procedure, the couponoplasty. It will consist of inserting large objects into the nether orifices of taxpayers.

But, wait! They are not through. Those bogus studies will be siezed upon by the National Science Foundation as an indictment of the American health care system. The Federal Government will be impelled to act quickly because things will be worse than they thought.

Look for a new entitlement system for those habitual couponers. A special issue of food stamps will be legislated. There will be big, perforated sheets of coupons called buckoffs. These will be clippable, crisp, one dollar coupons redeemable for food, rent, fuel, booze, and breath mints.

Problem solved.

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One comment

  1. "Like many government funded scientists they will make it up as they go."If all else fails, they can always put it through those computer climate models. Those are well known to be the gospel truth you know. Just don't ask which gospel though. 🙂

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